Written by Melissa Lafreniere, MA,RP, QFAS

As a parenting mediator and psychotherapist, I help separating couples make agreements that prioritize their children throughout the separation and divorce process. I recently had a couple approach me with this exact question. Before making the difficult decision to separate, they had recently added a fun loving golden retriever named Scout to their family. To complicate matters, they also had 3 beautiful children who were absolutely in love with their new fur baby brother.  Upon hearing that their family was going to change, all the kids immediately asked what would happen to their furry friend. One parent was definitely more attached to Scout while the other worked long hours and hadn’t really wanted a dog to begin with. While it made sense for the parent who was more attached to the dog to keep it, the kids were very worried about not seeing their beloved friend when they were spending time in the other home.

Both parents wondered how much of an impact it would have on the kids to be separated from Scout. Turns out, kids and dogs go together like peas and carrots and separating them could have a bigger impact than one would think. Here are some of the reasons why it is better for them to be kept together.

1. Dogs are very attuned to the feelings of others and can sense anxiety and stress. Having the family dog travel with the children can be a huge source of comfort during times of transition. The dog can also experience separation anxiety and, like children who are stressed, they may develop negative behaviors. Keeping them together can help keep everyone calm, which is ultimately good for freshly single parents.
2. Kids crave familiarity. In times of change, kids need as much consistency as possible.  Having your furry friend go where you go, helps kids feel safer in new environments.
3. Having a dog can help to set up routines in new homes. If a parent is worried that he or she will struggle to re-establish a new normal once he or she moves into their own place, having a pet to take care of can help the new family unit find some structure.  It can also help to involve the kids in taking care of the pet, which helps to develop a sense of responsibility and overall helpfulness.
4. Dogs are excellent secret keepers so if your child is struggling post-separation, having them confide in their pet can be a great way to externalize feelings. Also, a pet’s wonderful snuggles can help regulate the feeling of children who are feeling upset.
5. Kids with dogs (or pets) are reported to have higher emotional intelligence, as helping to care for another life requires children to develop empathy and compassion. This can be very protective for children of divorce who can sometimes experience a decline in perspective taking and empathy, as they process the breakdown of their parent’s relationship.
6. Dogs encourage play and exercise. As getting divorced is emotionally draining, finding time to play with your kids can sometimes be tough. Having to take the dog for a walk gives you and the kids the opportunities to be active, get fresh air and spend some time together.

The parents I met during our parenting mediation session were really surprised that keeping Scout and the kids together could have such a positive impact. They ultimately decided that Scout would travel with the kids and I think everyone, including Scout, will be very pleased about that!

While it may not always be possible for the dog or pet to travel with the children (and that is ok too), the research does seem to point to it being a good idea when it can be arranged.  In the case of Scout and his family, the children were thrilled that they would have him in both homes. For their benefit, both parents also agreed to support each other concerning the dog, which at the end of the day, is the most important thing when it comes to separating when children are involved.