Divorce has never been synonymous with happiness, but the process has undergone some evolution over the last few years. After saying their “I do’s”, few couples ever anticipate that one day they’ll be calling it quits and finding themselves fighting over who gets the Martini glasses and who gets the microwave. Yet, when it’s over, it’s over. Fortunately, in the legal landscape of divorce, there is an alternative that can make the separation process if not happifying, then at least more smooth and amicable.

When you’re on the same page as your soon-to-be former partner, you can both look at the situation realistically even though volatile emotions may still be a part of the equation. And when you really think about it, the unhappiness that was likely a part of the relationship for some time is also coming to an end, and you and your ex can hopefully now move forward positively. An important part of coming to that realization is pursuing an alternative means of divorce rather than litigation.

Coming to a separate peace

Handling a divorce so that it’s less upsetting for everyone involved is the most ideal way to consciously uncouple. Following are a few tips to keep things positive when pursuing an alternative means of divorce such as mediation:

• Act the part – Appearing joyful in the realization that everything will work out for the best for everyone involved will help you look ahead positively. Use the mediation process as a learning tool to develop new communication skills that may eventually transfer well into other relationships too. This is something the litigation process is not likely to teach you.
• Leave blame at the door – By the time you’re divorcing, it probably no  longer matters who left whom. Realize that you both deserve to move forward with people who really want to be with you. If you need help in letting go of anger and resentment, find a qualified counselor to help.
• Write your own book – Be mindful of your self-talk. You can choose the way you’re looking at things even though you may still be feeling some pain. By focusing on the future and seeing it as being a chance for a new start, you will be more open to discussing important issues with your mediation team, which could leave you feeling much more empowered.

Grief or relief

You have the choice to focus on the negatives or to move ahead with a bright outlook, compassion and, sometimes, even respect for your former spouse. Traditional litigation is the emotionally-taxing litigation route. But building the right team to help facilitate the divorce process could dispel old-paradigms that divorce is always contentious. Using a modern, alternative divorce method can allow you to move on toward a brighter future.